Saturday, October 25, 2008

Self-Esteem Saturday or Sunday #2

Pennies In My Pocket

Snag the code and join in!

Topic: A time when you were a kid and felt a boost in your self-esteem...

Wow, had I realized how difficult this weekend's assignment was, I wouldn't have assigned it. LOL I completely understand if you decide to go off topic this time.

OK, I put a ton of thought into my answer. I've been thinking about it almost everyday trying to come up with a memorable time when kid Melody's self-esteem was boosted. To be honest, I can't really think of one that was 'life changing', but I did realize many things.

One of the reasons I picked this topic was because I am constantly thinking about how I'm going to boost my daughter's esteem in a healthy way. Over my adulthood, I've black listed several ways to lower a kid's esteem. We all learn that as children, don't we? It's a part of life. Along side each item on my black list I have 'cures' to the self-esteem squashers such as: Check to see if she's being bullied at school, don't talk about my weight or how my hair/make up/clothes etc looks horrible, don't compare myself to others, don't put myself down, don't talk bad about others, when she's not 'herself' ask her why...get deep if you have to and find out the reason then do something about it, don't let go when she becomes a teenager...spend even more quality time with her, make sure she has a close, confident relationship with her dad. Oh and give myself a break when I make mistakes. We'll see how that goes.

So, all this deep thinking about my childhood brought me moments when I remember being really happy. Content. Without going into too much detail, I was a rather depressed kid even though most who knew me would say the absolute complete opposite. Things happened that I never shared. I kept a lot inside. Join the club, I know. My self-esteem was shot. BUT, I do remember times when all the 'bad' went away and the smile that was on my face was genuine....

-When the entire family (aunts, uncles, cousins, etc) got together and we made memories that would last a life time...before reality of 'family drama' set it.
-When a friend made a card just because they knew you were having a bad day.
-When Dad would take me to get ice cream...only me.
-When my brother would actually LET me play in his room with him. hahaha

Going on to the Jr & Sr high school years was more of a challenge to come up with 'boosters'...

I won many awards, received honors in school, was recognized for a plethora of achievements. Heck, I was even Student Body President of my high school and not one of those moments made my list of times when my esteem was truly boosted. That's not to say that I wasn't excited or proud of myself, but they weren't life changing moments.

I was pretty well known in high school. I practically lived there. I was the queen of school spirit and kids at other schools even knew that about me. I saw it as a job that needed to be done though...making school more enjoyable for others. It wasn't something that I did for myself. It became more of a task that wore me down throughout the four years of high school.

Anyone who knew me back in the day would be very surprised to learn that my biggest self-esteem boosting moment was when I was able to gain the lead role in one of the plays. Now that was a booster. I loved being on stage and NOT being myself. Sounds weird, huh? I mean, if the role I played did something foolish, said something backwards, was too loud, a bit off and kinda corny ... it wasn't Melody.

I've always regretted not pursuing acting more. Being in plays boosted my esteem more than anything during those awkward teenage years. Years after graduating, I ran into my theater teacher. She gave me a rather remarkable complement about my acting skills when she taught me. I still think about that to this day.

Maybe that's why I regretted not pursuing it more...because I was most comfortable on stage and I received, what I believed to be, a genuine complement from a locally well known theater teacher. Still boosts me to this day.

This assignment really challenged myself. I learned that as a younger child I was more happy and 'boosted' when I had quality time with people I loved and trusted. "Things" and awards were nice, but it wasn't what got you from day to day. When I was a teen, being able to express myself through being someone else was a form of release. I needed and appreciated the 'break' from the pressures I felt to achieve and excel in school

I also learned more about how I want to raise my daughter and what kind of environment I hope to provide in my house. It will be more than interesting to assign this writing task to my daughter when she's 32. ;-)


I highly, highly recommend this book if you have children: The Five Love Languages of Children. It's 32% off at Amazon for $10.19 and eligible for super saver shipping. If you are married, this book is a MUST READ: The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate - same price and discount as the other book.

No Question of the Day or deals today (except the book) ... I'll be back on Monday to provide many of those. ;-) I hope you decide to join in on Self-Esteem Saturday or Sunday this weekend.

If you decide to join, please follow these simple rules:
-Enter your name & the
direct link to your Self-Esteem Saturday or Sunday post on Mr. Linky.
-ON YOUR POST, add a link coming back to THIS post so that your readers can join.
-You can post this either Saturday or Sunday. I love forgiving deadlines. :-)
-Feel free to snag the Sunny graphic on the top of this post.
-Have fun!

If you haven't already,
go enter the GIVEAWAY I've got going on!


Sarah said...

First again! *jig of victory* Now I need to read your post!

Sarah said...

Okay, good, I wasn't the only one who had a hard time coming up with something! I even thought some pretty snarky things, like, either I just didn't have that many self-esteem building moments, or my brain cells are REALLY fried away! It's all about the little things with the family.......thanks for jogging my memory!

Anonymous said...

And just as I've thought I was first LOL...feeling good here in the award mood so nominated you for another one :)

Tara Bennett said...

First off, Melody, thank you so much for sharing your story with me. I love hearing stories from other mommas, so I know I'm not alone in my battle to do what's best for my baby! I'm always uplifted by others. In fact, that's one of the main reasons I share so much, because it gets other people to open up to me and I yearn for that!

I love this topic of boosting self-esteem. I also love the books you mentioned about the 5 languages of love. I read the adult version for a college course, and it really opened up my eyes!

I would say the thing that boosted my self-esteem the most as a child and a teen were the talents my mom had encouraged and allowed me to explore: piano, singing, sports. I wasn't particularly spectacular at any of them, but just the effort I put into practicing, the feeling of a team in sports.... I think it's just really good for kids - a good place to figure out a lot life lessons.

Suzann said...

Awesome idea and fantastic story. Thanks for sharing. I'd say I'd jump in here, but this (for me) is one of those thought provoking subjects that I need to ponder over for a while.
First Visit to your blog - saw you from the SITS roll-call.
happy weekend!!

Denise said...

Glad I found your blog, and this meme. I enjoyed your post.

Shell in your Pocket said...

The book the five love languages is it!-Sandy Toes

~Trish~ said...

Oh I think I'm gonna have to pick up the book, thanks :)

lynette355 said...

For self esteem saturday go to
because you WON an award.
pick it up and enjoy how fab you are!!!

Tamara Dawn said...

Awww what a great post. As a former foster child and as a mother of an 11 year old who is struggling with his own self esteem right now, this is a great heartwarming read. I really do need to take him out when it is just him & I. Thanks for the reminder! Also I loved acting as a teen. I used to pretend I was Anne Frank and she took over my body. I would run around the house looking at stuff in awe and talk with an accent. My foster parents thought I was nuts, lol!

AngiDe said...

Ooooh, deep question. I need to think about this one!
But I enjoyed reading yours!!

"Nana's Box"

Ash said...

I'm still working on this. Pretty bad, huh?

Funny thing is, I think we'd all be surprised to go back and "hear" how the person you thought had it all together, was actually falling apart inside.

This thought brings me terror when I look at my boys. Such tough times are ahead for them, just because they're human beings. To shelter would be a mistake, I know, but oh to stop the hurt! Every mom's wish, I am sure.


Anonymous said...

This is an amazing post. I loved how you talked about family time. I had it too when I was young. My had TONS of cousins and we would all get together for family dinners & holidays.
I try to do the same for my children as much as possible.

Lilly said...

This is a great post and such an important issue. Of course some people are born with more resilience and others arent. The rest we pick up from our family and th eenvironment. More than ever I think children need to feel good about themselves.

I have just watched a very interesting documentary where children were tracked from 0 to 3. The tested the children's self esteem and stress levels over 3 years. The children all came from different backgrounds and the results were surprising I have to say. The best thing is, these ages are the critical years.

Unfortunately I wish I knew that moreso when I was a very young mother. Fortunately my daughter was a very resilient person and has continued to be so as she has grown up. In fact she is the more confident one and I am the one more likely to have self esteeem issues even though I cam form a very stable home with loving parents and lots of family around me.

The thing is that loving yourself and feeling worthwhile is something we need to work on for the rest of our lives because different events in life can completely destroy our self esteem if we let them.

Making our children have a sense of responsbility and instilling resilience to bounce back from setbacks is crucial. Absolutely crucial.

Thanks for the post - your child is lucky indeed that you get 'it'. i wouldlove to hear what she had to say when she is 32 as well.

Liz {Learning To Juggle} said...

This was surprisingly hard, but wonderfully thought provoking. Thank you for challenging us to take a deeper look at ourselves - in a positive way!!

Anonymous said...

I totally understand how you felt being on stage and being someone else. I loved acting (although I don't think I was very good!). One of my favorite jobs was working at a local amusement park dressed up as popular cartoon characters. It was so freeing to do whatever I wanted. I could dance around and approach total strangers without them looking at me like I was crazy. It was a fun way to step outside of myself and be silly.

Holly said...

I can totally see you as the queen of school spirit! :)

I'd really like to get that Love Language book.

Crystal Rae said...

5 love languages was one of the best books i've read. It was definitely a great book for my new hubby and I. I would recommend this book to anyone.

tiarastantrums said...

that was really beautiful - I didn't join b/c it WAS a hard assignment (and I had really crappy parents and a worse childhood, which made it even harder for me).
BUT I love your take on it - that is how I live my life now. WHAT to do to make my children remember that each day was THE BEST DAY EVER!

Mamarazzi said...

ya know...i wish more of your readers would do their "comments" as "posts" on their blogs. it would be a lot of fun visiting them through mister linky.

though they do make it easier to read all their goodness HERE!

great post....mine is up.

WheresMyAngels said...

Good one that you posted.

I know my parents ignored my complaints as a child that others were making fun of me. I will never do that to my child. Those memories still haunt me.

Anonymous said...

I think self esteem sunday is
fan-f***ing-tastic! I really do! You go girls!!

Tabitha Blue said...

That looks like a great book for kids.. we've got the adult version.... GREAT!

Wow, that is a hard self-esteem one this week... I'm filtering through my memories now :)

Melodie said...

I was away for the weekend, so I missed the assignment. However, I did want to say that I can totally relate to your love of acting. I felt the same way about it when I was in high school. I was so insecure, but when I was on stage acting, I could be someone else for a little while. I loved it, and I loved the accolades I received for my performances. It was one of the few things I felt good about in high school.

Anonymous said...

Darnit! I forgot to do this again!

Michelle said...

I had mine all ready to go and I was going to post it when I got back from camping on Sunday!

Back up to Friday.........I thought I would take just a few minutes to clean out all of the drafts in my post list and like a HUGE dufus, I deleted my self esteem post! ARGH!

This is what happens when you are anal and in a hurry!

Elisabeth said...

That was a great story to share. I am sorry I missed out on the participation part...I think I would've been stummped too, though.

Brooke said...

I didn't have that great of self esteem in high school. My friends were always more popular and got more attention from boys. I was very shy around people I didn't know so it was a HUGE booster when a boy I didn't even know asked me to Senior Ball because he had noticed me and asked my friends about me. And lucky he did and I said yes because now we are happily married!

Mammatalk said...

I had trouble with this writing assignment. But, I love your post. Thanks for remindng me about the Language of Love books. I need to pick up the one about children. Great advice about how to help your child's self esteem, btw. It really does begin with you. And, I know this, but the idea keeps falling out of my brain on to the floor. WHy does this happen? I will be good to myself today. Great post. :-)

Liz {Learning To Juggle} said...

hmmmm...I think i just told someone who was perfectly healthy that I hope their tummy was feeling I guess that makes me the weird one :) Well I hope YOUR tummy is feeling better!!!

I've been trying to think of some topics for you - I love this idea.

One thought I had was:
What have you done to boost someone elses self-esteem (whether they were aware of it or not) - I find doing something like this inevitably makes me feel better...don't know, just a thought.

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