Melody's Confession Post ... (stinky messy dirty confession)

OK, so I never in a million years thought I would be spilling this dirty messy little story, but there is a purpose behind it. I am justifying this by teaching the world (or a very very tiny portion of it that reads my blog) about a product that will definitely make your house a little cleaner.

Confession #1 - I forgot to shower.
I woke up this morning and realized that I never took a shower yesterday. Ewww gross. So, I'm smelling myself (not actually physically sniffing myself, but trust me, I smelled like a truck driver so it didn't take much get a whiff) thinking, "YUCK! Melody, you are sad sad sad. How did you forget to take a shower yesterday???" Yeah, yesterday was a nutso day, so it can happen. Sometimes us moms just get too busy with feeding, burping, cleaning up puke and poop and giving the baby a bath (and who knows how many other random things we have to do througout the day) that we forget to tend to ourselves. Praise the Lord Almighty that I have a dear sweet husband who loves me stinky or not.

Confession #2 - My house is a mess.
Our house is for sale. It's been on the market for a year. We've had a whopping total of four people to come see it. This market stinks (just like my unshowered self) so bad that I don't even bother to keep the house all neat and tidy in case a realtor calls or pops in. I just know it's not going to happen.....UNLESS I'm smelling like a truck driver and the house is in shambles. Which leads me to the phone call I got this morning ...

Confession #3 - I should be a much better housewife and not need my husband's help.
This is how the call went:
Realtor: Hi, this is Kenny from "ABC" Realty Company (I'd laugh if there is a real estate company called "ABC") and I'd like to show your house in 45 minutes to an hour.
Me: (thinking to myself, "OHHHHHH CRAP!") Oh hi! I know this completely rude for me to ask, especially in the housing market we live in, but is it at all possible to come a little later in the day? I have a baby and the house really needs to be picked up quite a bit. (As IF a tiny little baby can single handedly make a mess in the master bedroom, all 3 bathrooms, the kitchen and hallway.)
Realtor: You really don't have to clean up.
Me: No...I really do.
Realtor: Well, I could reschedule for the weekend if you'd like. My client only has a few hours today to see homes.
Me: Oh no, that's totally fine to come today. I'll get it cleaned before you get here. (How could I pass up anyone to come see the house?)
---
I put the phone down, freak out for a second and then frantically call my husband who has the luxury of leaving the office whenever he 'needs' to. Yeah, this is a 'needs' to situation, right? Hey, I only have 45 minutes to work a miracle here people!

Confession #4 - I get even more smelly and try to cover it up.
The hubby comes home in about 5 minutes (so glad we live close to his work) and we let baby play in her oh-so-fun and entertaining Exersaucer while the two of us speed clean the entire house. Can I just tell you how much I LOOOOOOOOOOVE Clorox Disinfecting Wipes??? (only $3.69 at drugstore.com yeah, I'm sick and looked it up for you) I always have at least 3 in stock for moments like these. You can clean an entire house in no time flat with these fabulous little wipes. I'd kiss them if I could. Well, I could, but that would just be weird.

So, the clock is ticking down. Thirty smelly minutes later, I have oh-so-attractive under-boob sweat going on and smell like 3 truck drivers who haven't made a pit stop in 2000 miles. I slap some deodorant on my already ripe armpits (you love this don't you?), throw a zip-up hoodie over my wife beater shirt, put my long locks into a sloppy pony tail and drench myself in spray from Bath & Body Works. Martha Stewart would slap me. I'd slap her back.

Confession #5 - I'm nosey.
I was planning on leaving the house before the realtor and his clients got here, but no, they were 10 minutes early. So, I grabbed a coat for the baby and a nice snugly blanket and took her for a walk. On my way out the front door the realtor says, "THIS is a messy house? It looks wonderful!" - Well, thank you Mr. Realtor Man...just don't get too close to me, I'm not so wonderfully smelling right now. Of course I snatched the baby monitor that was right by the door so I could eavesdrop on them, but all I heard was chatter spoken in Chinese. It was a great idea though.

Now, my house is all clean and smells fabulous thanks to a hubby who can vacuum the entire place in 15 minutes and my lovely Clorox Disinfecting Wipes. Now I want to have people over because it shines so nicely. I still don't smell good because I'm writing this silly post instead of showering. Seriously, I need help. I promise I'm going to the second I click "publish post"...really, I will.

So, long story even longer. If you're a stay at home mom and you don't look like Catherine Zeta-Jones 24/7, you wouldn't let your mother-in-law 'drop' in unexpectedly because the house is a mess and you forgot to take a shower...it's OK. Your secret is safe with me. I promise not to write about it for the whole world to read. I'll just save the embarrassing stories for myself. ;-)


Edited to add to "Works For Me Wednesday" at Rocks In My Dryer. Check out her post today. She talks about her pet peeve that is one of mine, too!